Safe In HIS Arms

Round 1 Week 1

This week has shown to have some significant changes in my life.  I had my first round of chemo on Wed. (Jan. 13, 2016) and I challenged ALL my FB friends and family to join me in "Buddy Check 13", were they find an accountability partner to do a self breast exam/assessment on the 13th of each month.  I cut my hair!!!!  I originally was only going to rock a small fro.  Since I found out I had breast cancer I decided not to twist my roots so that I could wear a small afro until is all falls out, well, I cut it anyway.  The doctor informed me that because my hair was so long and thick, not only would it fall out within 10-12 days after first chemo, but it would fall out in chunks.  I had a very dear friend of mine (who also has long locs) cut my locs off, then Brian and I went to the mall (with a skully on) to a store recommended by a fellow survivor to get a couple caps.  Cutting my locs was not traumatic at all, I think mainly because I knew it was coming, and my friend was so very pleasant in helping me see the big picture, but in that store, I fell to pieces.  My, my, my, the store is full of shaylas, head wraps, caps, any and everything you could image (good thing I live in a Muslim country).  Just the thought of knowing that I now have to wear one made me sad.  I was overwhelmed.  I cried like a baby in front of my husband and the store clerk.  I just couldn't keep it together.  After my episode in the store we went to the barber who, after telling him about my situation suggested that I cut is extremely low because it is still going to come out in chunks, he said " Your hair is so thick, the thinner you make it, the less spotty it will be coming out".  Here comes the water head tears again.  After about 2 min. I was able to accept my fate and walk in it.

As far as the side effects from the chemo, I have been told that I will most likely "feel" something days 5-7.  That is about how long it will take the chemo to really get into my system.  Well,  I'm glad to say that the only "setback" I've had was on day 3 when I threw up after deciding to eat 2 hamburgers, lamb chops and sausages at our neighborhood picnic.  I figured, hey, if my appetite is going to change, I need to get it in now. lol.  I haven't had that much red meat in over 4 years and I paid for it.  Although, my senses do seem to be on overdrive.  I can smell things so well now, and at times it makes me nauseous, my eyes are very sensitive to even the slightest change in light and my my eyes burn when I cry.  The burning sensation feels like I have lotion or something in my eyes.  I only feel it burning when I cry (so I guess I better suck that mess up, as my sorority sister used to say all the time- lol).

Working: Although very reluctant, I stayed home from work the day after chemo, but I have worked every work day since.  The first day of work had so many butterflies in my stomach, as you can image, teenagers can be mean and I didn't know what to expect from my girls regarding my hair.  I am pleased to announce that they were soooooo loving, "miss, Whallah (I swear to God), you look beautiful, Whallah", "I like you better like this miss", "Miss I love your new look".  I felt so much better knowing that I didn't have to cuss anyone out. lol.  However, I left school feeling so tired, I could barely make it home.  At each round-about I felt like I could just sleep.  I got home and went directly to bed and didn't wake up until the next morning.  I know this was because I worked myself up regarding the reaction of my coworkers and students and tried to keep up with my regular routine, and I can't, I just hate feeling helpless.

Safe in HIS Arms:
Last night my cousin tagged me in a post of a group singing Safe In His Arms (Rev. Milton Brunson version).  When we were younger we were both in the children's choir at my church and I was tasked to sing this song as a solo (one of several) (my other favorite song was Calling My Name by Hezekiah Walker and Timiney Figueroa).  Now, if you have EVER heard me sing outside of my shower you would run screaming.  I have always loved this song, since the day I was home rehearsing it and realized there were several statements that I didn't know the meaning of (...the billows begin to roll..).  After reading and listening to the song, I was so overcome with joy, my living turned into a church service.  I hadn't had CHURCH like that since I attended Mt. Sinai in Clemson, SC while at graduate school.  Im sure my neighbors heard every cry, snot, and praise, but I felt such a release, I couldn't hold it in.  As for my husband, he just smiled and took the kids to bed.

How am I feeling?:
Physically- Good, I do have to pace myself so that I don't tire, it seems to sneak up on me
Mentally- Safe,  I know I am covered and this too shall pass

Prayer Requests:
Please keep my family in your prayers, especially my husband.  He is strong, but even the strongest have times of weakness

7.5 years of locing my hair

Gone in 1 hr

A fellow cancer survivor put me up on these caps.  Aren't they cute?