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| My nails are beginning to turn black |
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Round 3 of 8. Finally found my groove
After the last round of chemo I just knew I was going to die. It was soooo hard. I expected it to be hard, but dang, really God. Brian and I THINK we have found the key to getting through this, just stay in the bed until it passes. We have such great friends, they took our kids for the weekend, so I can get some relief. I have the worst headaches and nausea. I recently found out that I will have to have 8 rounds, not 6 :(. It's ok though, I know this time will pass. Since I was sick for Valentine's Day we decided to just stay home and enjoy ourselves. I think going through this has really given me a renewed predictive on life. One of the main reasons we came to the UAE was to get out of debt and because of this I have been pretty tight with money (Dave Ramsey would be proud). But now, I am beginning to really enjoy life, spend the extra money and have some fun. I've also started to appreciate the little things a little more. Thank you God for the renewed understanding.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Cancer SUCKS!!
A BITCH named cancer. Yep, I said it, BITCH!! This was the original name I was going to give this post, but the queen in me (ha) wouldn't allow it. I can recall at least one time each year of teaching when my students would ask me if I cuss. I would always tell me no, but if they heard me cuss it was on purpose. I don't cuss on accident. I think that is one reason I like teaching teenagers, they are honest and open, when they know you care. So... why such harsh language, you ask?
Round 2 week 1
This week has been hard, I mean really hard. I expect things to get hard, but just not so soon. This is only round 2 of 6. I had my 2nd round of chemo on Tues. Feb. 2, 2016. Got to the oncology office early because I expected some delays (ADEC has had some issues with our insurance), but to my delight everything went smoothly. I went into the room and there were 2 other ladies hooked up to IV's already, one Filipino and one Arab (probably from Syria). The nurse (Filipino) was very nice, we conversed a bit then she proceeded to tell me that I will be in and out of here in no time. My first thought was, "I know you are trying to be nice, but how dear you say 'in no time'". I let it go. The Arab lady who was originally sleeping (snoring away) woke up and started conversing me with. I found out that she too is a teacher. At this point another lady, Emirati, came in who was also a teacher. We all laughed, but someone said, hey, all us teachers in here, what is the education system doing to us, sad, but a serious thought. The Arab lady proceeded to ask where was my cancer and I told her in my breast, then I asked where was hers. She explained that she has had cancer off and on for the better part of 10 years. YES, 10 years, my heart just broke. She said she had ovarian cancer 2x, stomach cancer, now it has moved into her neck and the back of her brain. She then said there is no cure for her and she has to have 4 hrs of chemo every 3 weeks. I felt so bad, how dare I get upset when the nurse tells me Ill be in and out and this lady has been through this for 10 years. I felt so selfish. About 2 min. later the call to prayer came on (you can hear it everywhere out here) and she just started to pray, right where she was. I was honored that she felt comfortable enough to pray in front of me (although not uncommon), but I was more in awe of how she could praise a God that has allowed her to suffer for 10 years. I left the office after about 2 hrs feeling good, refreshed, ready for whatever God had for me, so I thought.
About 2 days later is when the chemo started to take affect. Everyone said I will feel my worst days 3-5, so I was expecting another good day, but oh well. The evening of day 2 my neighbor had a pizza party for her daughter and I decided to go hang out. My stomach wasn't feeling too well so I decided not to eat, but when I went home (literally right next door) I laid on my husband's chest as he and the kids watched TV and I couldn't move. My head felt like I was in a tornado. I closed my eyes and all I saw were fireworks. He walked me to the bed and that's were I stayed for the next 24 hrs. The next day several people brought over food, seemed like all at one time- lol. All the different smells in the house made me nauseous, I couldn't open my eyes, even in the dark room. My head hurt so bad I kept throwing up. Of ALLLL the medicine given to me for side effects (7 total), none included anything for headaches, go figure. Brian gave me some panadol, which helped a little. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't control myself. I cried off and on, mainly just because I felt out of control. Brian finally gave me a sleeping pill because my neck started to hurt because I couldn't lay down to fall asleep. I felt like I was falling every time I tilted my head so I slept sitting up. By day 4 I was still dizzy, but I felt sooooooo much better. A friend brought by some more food and asked where were my kids. Honestly, I had no idea. I later found out that a neighbor took both of them iceskating and out for dinner (GOD bless her). When they came back, they were on 100%. I just couldn't take it, they tried to be a quiet as possible, but if you know my daughter, she's as quiet as a freight train during rush hour. I retreated back to my room were I stayed the rest of the night.
My dear husband, he is awesome. He stayed with me the entire time, he cleaned up my vomit, held my head up and even rubbed my back. This man is definitely a keeper- lol.
Today is 6 days after round 2 and I feel well enough to function, so I plan to go back to work in 2 days. I have received sick leave for 20 days (until my next treatment), but I think I will go stark crazy sitting in this house. I know some people think Im crazy, they say, just stay home, collect a pay check and relax, but that's not me. I like to work, not always teaching, but I really do enjoy my job. I said if this had been last year, teaching at the school from "hell" I would most definitely stay home.
My school, Atikah Bin Abdul Al Mutalib (a mouth full). Has been awesome. They rearranged several other teachers schedule to provide me with a coteacher (which is only done in KG). My coteacher is in class with me everyday, so if there is a time that I have to leave for whatever reason, she will take over. We now have it scheduled were I will be off for a week for chemo then work for 2 weeks. While Im off, she will teach my classes. So far, this has worked out very well. When the idea was first proposed I felt bad because she now has to teach 18 hrs a week when she use to teach only 6 hrs (yes, most locals have light teaching schedules). I felt bad that she had to take on my responsibility. After sitting and talking to her she felt honored that Allah gave her this opportunity to help someone, which put me more at ease with the whole idea.
I have received Holy water from Mecca, Ethiopia and even some local healing paste that I should take every day. I know the journey is just beginning, and I will cuss many times during it, but Im glad God has me in his arms. Everything has lined up with His promises and I will continue to find joy in it all, in spite of it all.
How am I feeling?
Physically- Ok, today is the first time I drove in a week and I was a little nervous (drivers here are crazy) but it was ok. I just gave myself more than enough time to get to were i was going. I actually got there 30 min. early.
mentally- Did you read my first line?
Prayer Requests:
I have plans to travel to America when I am finished with chemo, but before my surgery and am worried about how I will pay for this trip. One main reason for teaching oversees was to get out of the rat race and be able to leave a legacy for our children's children. The cost associated with this trip will set us back to where we were before we came, flights for me and my children (Im not leaving them on the other side of the world), doctor's visits (I have no health insurance in America so everything will be out of pocket) as well as just living for the couple weeks I plan to be there. Many have suggested that I create a Go Fund Me account and solicit help, but I am a little weary about it. We are not struggling financially, but this will put a serious dent in our goals. At the same time, I don't want to be too prideful and not ask for help. So.... I said all that to say, please pray that God directs us (and we are obedient) on which path to take in order to continue to run this race He's laid ahead of us.
Look at me, start out cussing and end in prayer requests, I'm so human, I'm an emotional mess, but glad I know who I belong to.
Thank you and God Bless!
Round 2 week 1
This week has been hard, I mean really hard. I expect things to get hard, but just not so soon. This is only round 2 of 6. I had my 2nd round of chemo on Tues. Feb. 2, 2016. Got to the oncology office early because I expected some delays (ADEC has had some issues with our insurance), but to my delight everything went smoothly. I went into the room and there were 2 other ladies hooked up to IV's already, one Filipino and one Arab (probably from Syria). The nurse (Filipino) was very nice, we conversed a bit then she proceeded to tell me that I will be in and out of here in no time. My first thought was, "I know you are trying to be nice, but how dear you say 'in no time'". I let it go. The Arab lady who was originally sleeping (snoring away) woke up and started conversing me with. I found out that she too is a teacher. At this point another lady, Emirati, came in who was also a teacher. We all laughed, but someone said, hey, all us teachers in here, what is the education system doing to us, sad, but a serious thought. The Arab lady proceeded to ask where was my cancer and I told her in my breast, then I asked where was hers. She explained that she has had cancer off and on for the better part of 10 years. YES, 10 years, my heart just broke. She said she had ovarian cancer 2x, stomach cancer, now it has moved into her neck and the back of her brain. She then said there is no cure for her and she has to have 4 hrs of chemo every 3 weeks. I felt so bad, how dare I get upset when the nurse tells me Ill be in and out and this lady has been through this for 10 years. I felt so selfish. About 2 min. later the call to prayer came on (you can hear it everywhere out here) and she just started to pray, right where she was. I was honored that she felt comfortable enough to pray in front of me (although not uncommon), but I was more in awe of how she could praise a God that has allowed her to suffer for 10 years. I left the office after about 2 hrs feeling good, refreshed, ready for whatever God had for me, so I thought.
About 2 days later is when the chemo started to take affect. Everyone said I will feel my worst days 3-5, so I was expecting another good day, but oh well. The evening of day 2 my neighbor had a pizza party for her daughter and I decided to go hang out. My stomach wasn't feeling too well so I decided not to eat, but when I went home (literally right next door) I laid on my husband's chest as he and the kids watched TV and I couldn't move. My head felt like I was in a tornado. I closed my eyes and all I saw were fireworks. He walked me to the bed and that's were I stayed for the next 24 hrs. The next day several people brought over food, seemed like all at one time- lol. All the different smells in the house made me nauseous, I couldn't open my eyes, even in the dark room. My head hurt so bad I kept throwing up. Of ALLLL the medicine given to me for side effects (7 total), none included anything for headaches, go figure. Brian gave me some panadol, which helped a little. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't control myself. I cried off and on, mainly just because I felt out of control. Brian finally gave me a sleeping pill because my neck started to hurt because I couldn't lay down to fall asleep. I felt like I was falling every time I tilted my head so I slept sitting up. By day 4 I was still dizzy, but I felt sooooooo much better. A friend brought by some more food and asked where were my kids. Honestly, I had no idea. I later found out that a neighbor took both of them iceskating and out for dinner (GOD bless her). When they came back, they were on 100%. I just couldn't take it, they tried to be a quiet as possible, but if you know my daughter, she's as quiet as a freight train during rush hour. I retreated back to my room were I stayed the rest of the night.
My dear husband, he is awesome. He stayed with me the entire time, he cleaned up my vomit, held my head up and even rubbed my back. This man is definitely a keeper- lol.
Today is 6 days after round 2 and I feel well enough to function, so I plan to go back to work in 2 days. I have received sick leave for 20 days (until my next treatment), but I think I will go stark crazy sitting in this house. I know some people think Im crazy, they say, just stay home, collect a pay check and relax, but that's not me. I like to work, not always teaching, but I really do enjoy my job. I said if this had been last year, teaching at the school from "hell" I would most definitely stay home.
My school, Atikah Bin Abdul Al Mutalib (a mouth full). Has been awesome. They rearranged several other teachers schedule to provide me with a coteacher (which is only done in KG). My coteacher is in class with me everyday, so if there is a time that I have to leave for whatever reason, she will take over. We now have it scheduled were I will be off for a week for chemo then work for 2 weeks. While Im off, she will teach my classes. So far, this has worked out very well. When the idea was first proposed I felt bad because she now has to teach 18 hrs a week when she use to teach only 6 hrs (yes, most locals have light teaching schedules). I felt bad that she had to take on my responsibility. After sitting and talking to her she felt honored that Allah gave her this opportunity to help someone, which put me more at ease with the whole idea.
I have received Holy water from Mecca, Ethiopia and even some local healing paste that I should take every day. I know the journey is just beginning, and I will cuss many times during it, but Im glad God has me in his arms. Everything has lined up with His promises and I will continue to find joy in it all, in spite of it all.
How am I feeling?
Physically- Ok, today is the first time I drove in a week and I was a little nervous (drivers here are crazy) but it was ok. I just gave myself more than enough time to get to were i was going. I actually got there 30 min. early.
mentally- Did you read my first line?
Prayer Requests:
I have plans to travel to America when I am finished with chemo, but before my surgery and am worried about how I will pay for this trip. One main reason for teaching oversees was to get out of the rat race and be able to leave a legacy for our children's children. The cost associated with this trip will set us back to where we were before we came, flights for me and my children (Im not leaving them on the other side of the world), doctor's visits (I have no health insurance in America so everything will be out of pocket) as well as just living for the couple weeks I plan to be there. Many have suggested that I create a Go Fund Me account and solicit help, but I am a little weary about it. We are not struggling financially, but this will put a serious dent in our goals. At the same time, I don't want to be too prideful and not ask for help. So.... I said all that to say, please pray that God directs us (and we are obedient) on which path to take in order to continue to run this race He's laid ahead of us.
Look at me, start out cussing and end in prayer requests, I'm so human, I'm an emotional mess, but glad I know who I belong to.
Thank you and God Bless!
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| One side effect, my nails are begining to turn blue from the chemo |
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Round 1 weeks 2 and 3
I have been pretty lazy, and feeling good, hence the lack of an update. lol. Weeks 2 and 3 after round 1 of chemo were GREAT!!! I was still very sensitive to different smells and tastes, but for the most part it was grand. For my husband's birthday we decided to spend the evening in Dubai, get Moroccan baths (note to self- give details at to what he should expect), a nice dinner and just some "us" time. If you know anything about Dubai, you know that you will not go anywhere without making your way into someone's mall. Well, we made our way into 3. Although we did not spend much money, #Dave Ramsey, it was more difficult then I anticipated. At the last mall, just wondering around, I realized that I was extremely tired, so tired that I had to literally find a wall, slide down it and take a breather. At first I was a bit embarrassed, but then i thought, "these folks don't know me". lol After I got my breathe we made our way back to our hotel room were we called it a night. I felt bad that we didn't really do anything exciting, but Brian was just happy that we were out together, without the kids, and I was feeling better.
To my relief, my hair finally began to fall out. It sounds crazy, but the doctor told me that my hair would begin to fall out days 10-12 of round 1. He suggested that I cut it because it would hurt, which it did. Well, when days 10-12 came and left I begin to think that I may be the less than 10% who don't loose their hair. I started to freak out, did I just cut my hair for no reason? Well, on day 14 my hair began to come out in patches. I was so excited that I called Brian to tell him the good news, at least cutting my hair wasn't in vain. Crazy? I know. Well, the hair came out in patches and my son asked it I could just shave it all off, it looked scary, so I asked my neighbor to shave it all. After the big shave my head didn't hurt anymore either, so I guess that was a good thing.
How am I feeling:
physically- GREAT!! Well, as good as I think i will with having chemo
emotionally- OK, anticipating the worse so my mind keeps wandering and I keep researching side effects
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for my babies, they are handling things very well, but I know Asa is becoming more and more attached to me, not wanting anything to hurt me. I just pray that I have enough energy to do things with them, even if it's just to help them off to school.
To my relief, my hair finally began to fall out. It sounds crazy, but the doctor told me that my hair would begin to fall out days 10-12 of round 1. He suggested that I cut it because it would hurt, which it did. Well, when days 10-12 came and left I begin to think that I may be the less than 10% who don't loose their hair. I started to freak out, did I just cut my hair for no reason? Well, on day 14 my hair began to come out in patches. I was so excited that I called Brian to tell him the good news, at least cutting my hair wasn't in vain. Crazy? I know. Well, the hair came out in patches and my son asked it I could just shave it all off, it looked scary, so I asked my neighbor to shave it all. After the big shave my head didn't hurt anymore either, so I guess that was a good thing.
How am I feeling:
physically- GREAT!! Well, as good as I think i will with having chemo
emotionally- OK, anticipating the worse so my mind keeps wandering and I keep researching side effects
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for my babies, they are handling things very well, but I know Asa is becoming more and more attached to me, not wanting anything to hurt me. I just pray that I have enough energy to do things with them, even if it's just to help them off to school.
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| My hair coming out in patches. Don't mind the gray. lol |
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| Trying a couple different scarf techniques. Gotta love Youtube |
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| Found an Auntie Annie on one of our 3 mall walks |
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| Mean mugging before we go out on the town. The scarf on my shoulder almost looks like my locs, took me back for a min. |
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| Baldheaded like a full moon shining. My BFF said I look like I have caterpillars on my face. I almost died laughing |
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| My LS (line sister- OO-OOP), the crazy one, cut her locs in support of me. I love this crazy chick! |
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